Firstly, I do not typically give recommendations to friends or acquaintances for:

• a.) Restaurants,
• b.) Doctors and
• c.) Films or books,

because everyone experiences something different, has different tastes and {“Steve Martin” as the crazy dentist in “Little Shop of Horrors”} different sentiments and/or illnesses and

• d.) I don’t get paid for it!

Well, with restaurants, I do it like this: I let myself be invited by somebody in a locality mentioned earlier and then thankfully asking if it was recommendable, but that’s not a recommendation???

In my opinion, you can also forget this black/white thinking, Democrats/Republicans, Protestants/Catholics – all these people reconcile, even if it takes centuries!

The only lasting division of all humanity relates to “Monty Python’s Life of Brian” and the issue of the scene where this UFO appears and unceremoniously abducts the hero of the film.

For some, this is hilarious. For others, it ruins the whole film. How can you recommend a movie if you’re not sure whether your friend will run screaming out of the cinema while you’re having a great time yourself?

Nevertheless, Mrs Mortimer’s book is about something else entirely. Mrs Mortimer’s book is a museum piece, a piece of contemporary history, something like the Mona Lisa, in a malignant and vicious way. What a good comparison: Like the “backside” of Mona Lisa, irresistible to take your eyes from, if it would be one day exposed! What a cringy thought!

Not only are the total reviews vicious and mean, but the book itself is also deliciously, bitterly mean, written by a person who – would you believe it – used to write children’s books! The preface tells us and gives some examples of this finely chiselled arrogant malice this woman had deep in her core.

Excerpt from the Amazon review:

The Clumsiest People in Europe: A Bad-Tempered Guide to The World

In the middle of the 1800s, Mrs Favell Lee Mortimer set out to write an ambitious guide to all the nations on Earth. There were just three problems:

• She had never set foot outside Shropshire.
• She was horribly misinformed about virtually every topic she turned her attention to.
• And she was prejudiced against foreigners.

In the bigger bookshops, they often build turrets of books, right in the middle of the visitor paths, so that the most faithful people will quickly buy the turret away so that the next people won’t stumble over it. So, me – there I was, ignorant of Mrs Mortimer and her ill-temper, and I opened the book at random:

Ireland – Clothing: Rags.

Clothing: RAGS STOP – This made a big impression as an introduction to this paragraph. It was followed by a brief and enjoyable description of how slowly the clothes of the Irish begin to disintegrate because they don’t mend the holes in them (in terms of thinking like Mrs Mortimer) and therefore, “first one tail of the shirt falls off, then the other, then the sleeves disappear and what’s left are rags!“

This was fun to read. Biting, sneaky and mean! I kept turning the pages:

Russia – The Tsar: “He does what he pleases. Sometimes he stirs people up without saying what for.”

Short sentences, child’s language and malicious. And if you are honest about the Tsar: no difference to today!

Today I still remember these two passages. I turned some more pages a little further, standing at this turret and fell in love with the pitch-black heart of this bitterly wicked lady. How could one be so cruel? Yet I know why it is so attracting to me: it is the simple language and the unfathomable astonishment that every line of her retrieved.

DON’T BUY THIS BOOK! Because I do not recommend any book, no book and this book is not recommended especially! Please don’t give this book away as a gift. I did it twice and did not see both friends ever again! This is my third copy (I bought a German one, and the lines above are translated from my German one), so if your ‘NOT BOUGHT‘ copy has other English words – sue me!)

I do not get any payment NOT to RECOMMEND this book. What I must tell you is: it isn’t a book to read in one go. You can take it and laugh about two or three pages, but the nasty evilness is too much for reading more than that. However, here is a truly meant sentence: don’t buy at Amazon – your book dealer is as pleased as Punch when you come in his store. And no, I’m not a book dealer. I mow the lawn! Have fun 🙂