Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches I must make amends
Mercedes drivers are a species apart.
When they approach a traffic light that has a red light 200,000 kilometres away, they naturally reduce their speed – because they are such good drivers that they can judge for themselves when said light turns green again, as they themselves then enjoy the privilege of being able to pass through the junction without stopping.
The fact that, if you are driving behind a Mercedes driver and you yourself want to park or turn left or right somewhere before the traffic lights, you are therefore hindered in your traffic flow by the slow driving of a Mercedes driver, is not foreseen in the evolution of a Mercedes driver universe driving in front of you, that other road users have free will. The sun revolves solely around a Mercedes driver, or if you have a star on the bonnet, you determine the speed on Europe’s roads.
So it is understandable when it happened that a Mercedes driver parked in front of an underground car park entrance – because his passenger, who also had a Mercedes and wanted to get it out of the underground car park – blocked the underground car park entrance in such a way that a Mercedes coming behind it could not drive into the underground car park and blocked the underground car park exit behind the first Mercedes driver blocking the underground car park entrance.
Since the first Mercedes driver, who was blocking the entrance to the underground car park, did not drive away to clear the underground car park entrance for the second Mercedes driver and the second Mercedes driver did not enter the entrance and therefore blocked the underground car park exit, the third driver (you remember the driver here, who parked his Mercedes in the underground car park and was chauffeured here by the first Mercedes driver) did not come out of the underground car park because the second Mercedes driver blocked the underground car park exit because of the first Mercedes driver who chauffeured the third Mercedes driver here.
And because they all have fully comprehensive insurance and traffic legal protection, the three Mercedes drivers are still there today, sitting in their Mercedes cars and having the matter settled by their expensive lawyers. And these three rival lawyers always meet secretly in a café before every trial and give each other tips for heated swimming pools for their yachts, because the lawyers earn so much money from the Mercedes drivers’ temperament and also secretly boast about the Porsche model they drive themselves! Because driving a Mercedes would be too profane for a lawyer!
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